Interests:i love listening to all kinds of music, i love clubbing, playing pool, the occassional poker, chilling with my guys and my girls. Industry:Hospitality
Crying for almost five days straight drained me... I never ever thought i could be this sad... Within in less than 5 days i have lost TWO people in my life... My grandmother is dying... Someone i thought i could spend the rest of my life with is gone... I feel like all i do in this fucken place is cry...
My grandmother was my only grandparent... I loved her dearly... I regret making her worry... I regret getting mad at her... I regret how i made her wait up for me at night... I never thought she would leave so soon... She was sick and got surgery... I promised her when she got all better i would take her back to canada again... She got better... then suddenly she got worse... I told her that she wasnt allow to leave this world until she saw me get married... and that she was suppose to live to see my newborn... she just smiled at me sweetly... When i went to the hospital today... i held her hand... and said... you cant leave me... you cant... you are suppose to come with me to canada remember? you are suppose to live to see me get married and see my baby... you are suppose to be strong... you are suppose to live... you arent suppose to leave me... I begged her to squeeze my hand to let me know that she could hear me... NOTHING.. she didnt open her eyes... she didnt move...
Someone came into my life... i didnt want anyone in my life... after hearing that my first love would never come back... i felt the world was over... but this person gave me hope... he made me smile and laugh again... I honestly thought i could be happy and spend the rest of my life with him... people are probably thinking this is puppy love... but its not... trust me.. i know... because all i wanted from him was him... nothing more nothing less... I didnt want his money.. I didnt want to control his life.. I didnt want to anything... He made me smile when i didnt want to... He made me laugh so hard that it hurt... He made it so that i could never stay mad at him... I havent felt this happy in so long... it felt like i could be happy for a long time... it felt like he loved me for who i was... but honestly he changed me... I didnt party as much because of him... i thought of him more than myself... i did everything i could to make his life easier... i told him that i was there in his life to make his life easier... but he told me... i made it easier and better... I wont be able to ever hug him... i wont be able to ever kiss him... He wont say to me that i look cute when im mad... He wont say how amazing i am when i remind him of things... He wont every say to me that he's happy im in his life...
In less than five days i have lost TWO people in my life... I feel like God hates me... I feel like this pain is killing me... I htought about that saying... "Is it better to have love and lost or to have never loved at all?" if i knew it was going to hurt this much... i wouldnt want to have ever felt love.. but then again i thought... because of this love i got from those two people i was able to change, mature and understand life... but why does it have to happen this way... why couldnt God just say hey straighten up and cherish those around you, because you never know when you will lose them, and never be able to tell them how you feel... I hated God for doing this to me again... taking someone who i love away forever... It feels like im not allowed to be happy in my life... I DONT CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY!!! THAT IM GOING TO GET OVER THIS! THAT IT COULD BE WORSE! THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER! THAT THIS IS LIFE! I DONT FUCKEN CARE! I just want... i just want my grandma to stay with me and experience more with me... i just want him to hug me and kiss me and love me for the rest of my life... but it wont ever happen... so please... dont tell me its all right.. because its not.. and its never going to be..
why does she keep doing it? it makes her laugh ahahahahahahahaha the easiest lesson in her life... she can ace a paper in university she can clear an exam no problem... but why wont she learn that she cant keeping doing this?
ladies advise her... a girl once a loser becomes a star she loves the attention she loves the glamour she definetly loves the benefits but why does she keep making the same mistakes? is it a problem? a habit? an addiction? it doesnt make sense...
gentlemen indulge her... why does a girl gotta change? why does she have to look and be a certain way so that you will look her way?
she is NOW beautiful and wonderful after all the hardwork, she is NOW more than ever connected after all the sacrifices, she is NOW one of the most wanted girls after all the suffering
why do you look her way NOW? it was only a year ago... you wouldnt talk to her... it ridiculous it preposterous its because of you MEN that she makes the same damn mistakes...
she is left broken she is irrepairable she is dead inside
.:end:.
been a LONGGGGGGGGG time since i wrote something hope whoever reads this enjoys it still =]
.dont worry. dont worry ima be gone from your sights... so u wont have to see me no more dont worry ima be gone from your reach... so u wont have to be with me no more dont worry ima be gone from you but just let me enjoy the last few minutes i dont want to leave u hanging but it better this way u gots much better going on for u... just follow thru with that sometimes i wonder what it was that we had and then i remind myself "girl it aint right" and that i should go and leave him be i gots to remember that i should not burden u no more than i have
so baby ima tell u now dont worry ima be gone from your sights... so u wont have to see me no more dont worry ima be gone from your reach... so u wont have to be with me no more dont worry ima be gone from you but always remember that i did care and cherish ever moment it makes me laugh remembering the little dramas we went thru the friends and shopping... the pool and late night dinners it makes me want to cry thinkin of me leaving u but ur friends tell u to leave me and that u can do better and they are there for you so i think u should listen to them hurts me so much to agree... but it true boy
i cared so much and now its time for me leave its hard what we had its fun what we had its love what we had its hate what we had but most of all what we had was something else special so if u ever come across this and say deja vu... then boy u know its about u now u know whut i was thinking about all those times u asked me what i was thinking... now u know
so baby once more and its to remind myself dont worry ima be gone from your sights... so u wont have to see me no more dont worry ima be gone from your reach... so u wont have to be with me no more dont worry ima be gone from you
-end-
<3 suki
p.s. you never understand what you have until you lose it forever...
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn we fucked up.but that shit was fun!" FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours. FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you. FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste." FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out.
